


Interviews in Hawaii

by aethersamo



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, everyone is a minor character except samo SORRY!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24507187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethersamo/pseuds/aethersamo
Summary: Hirai Momo's career as a journalist plummets as she wrote an article she should've never written.She finds her saving grace in the form of the top billed actress, Minatozaki Sana— who, unfortunately, is her wife.They haven't spoke for a year, all she's asking is a trip in Hawaii.Easy, isn't it?
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 4
Kudos: 156





	Interviews in Hawaii

"Momo, were you even thinking before you published that article?" Jihyo's stern voice resonated throughout the office. I nearly winced when I heard her fist landing on her table. "God, Momo. Can you imagine how much trouble your botched article has costed our company as of now?!" Jihyo checked her phone for a message, only for her to frustratingly put it down and shout in annoyance. "Our stocks are dropping drastically. Tell me Momo, what should stop me from firing you at this very moment? Because I can absolutely think of nothing right now." I bit the inside of my cheek and mentally sighed. I couldn't imagine how much I fucked up. 

Had I known that the little shit was the son of a huge stockholder over this company, and a fucking politician, I wouldn't have wrote shit. But now I'm in this company. It is my dream ever since to work here, there's no fucking way I would throw away this job. 

Absolutely nothing. That's why even if I needed to reopen old scars to fucking save my name, I would. 

"I... I could arrange a meeting with Minatozaki Sana." Jihyo cocked her brow, her stare mocking me. "Bullshit." "I swear, I could. Give me a week, I'll have that interview." Jihyo sarcastically chuckled. "No magazine can land an interview with her. If you manage to do so, you might be able to retrieve your name. But as of now, I am highly doubting everything, Momo. I'm giving you a week." I found myself nodding and fiddling with my phone as I reopened my conversations with Sana.

It was painful. But I typed the words anyway. Same words I dreaded to say for a year, only to wind up here.

"Sana, can we talk?"

* * *

"Cut! That was beautifully executed, Sana." "Thank you." I heard Sana's lustrous chuckle as she strutted her way over me. Wearing a silky white robe with a shirt and sweatpants underneath. that accentuated her features, her hair in a messy tangle that I used to wake up into, and her half-lidded gaze that always reminded me of how she asks for kisses every morning. 

I couldn't help remember (and fawn over) her morning cheeks.

I squirmed uncomfortably on my seat as she took one across mine. A cup of tea on her hands. She crossed her legs, fixed her hair and exposed her neck. A year has passed and nothing has changed. This has always been her way to make me cave in whatever she wanted. I couldn't say that it isn't working for me right now.

"So, Ms. Minatozaki..." "You're so formal, Momoring. There's only the two of us here. You're no fun." "This is an interview, Ms. Minatozaki. What do you expect me to do?" she feigned shock and placed her cup of tea on the table. "This is an interview? You said we were talking." I cocked my eyebrow and sighed. "We are talking in an interview." Sana frowned and stood up. "Wait, Sana. Where are you going?" "Leave. I didn't sign up for this." there was a shift on her voice. Something that she used when she's thoroughly displeased. "No, Sana. Please don't leave, I need this interview with you." "I don't need this interview with you, Momo. I need to talk to you. If you won't give that to me I wouldn't give what you want either." "Please, Sana. Come on, you left me for this. The favor I'm asking from you isn't too much." hurt crossed Sana's face like a blazing thunder. At that moment, I wanted to retract what I said. But Sana's palm was faster to connect with my face.

"Fuck you and your interview, Momo. You won't get a single word from me." Sana angrily slammed the door. Leaving me with a swollen cheek, and a regretful heart.

My phone was bombarded with calls since last night. Two names were on the top of the list- Nayeon and Jihyo. Quickly scanning Nayeon's texts (they were nothing but flurry of expletives though). I felt a wave of shame washing over me. I never wanted to hurt Sana in any way. To be honest, at this point, the imminent unemployment doesn't inflict pain upon me. Rather, the look on Sana's eyes as I muttered those words. Fucking devastation.

I couldn't help but get angry, too. There was a degree of truth in my words.

I dialled Jihyo's number and the latter quickly picked up. I sighed and resigned myself with Jihyo's scolding. It's way better than being alone with my thoughts right now. But what I gathered wasn't a shouting, but rather her mellow voice. "Momo, you finally answered to our calls." I felt my muscles relax. "I'm sorry, I immediately fell asleep. What was it?" "There's internal fiasco within her company, they couldn't find her." "Are you for real?!" I dropped the call and immediately dressed myself up. I got to my car and rang Nayeon's number. "Little shit!" she shouted through the phone. "I know! Where the hell is Sana?" "Should I tell you?" I felt like a bucket of cold water was splashed over me. "Not really..." "Then why?" "I need to say sorry, Nayeon. I'm fucking worried about her too." Nayeon relented "She's at my place. You better keep your tracks covered, Hirai." I took a detour, bought yogurt for her and a new plushie. I took a pen and paper from my dashboard and quickly wrote an apology. 

The words that I wanted to say didn't come out the way that I wanted to. All I was able to write were three words.

_I'm sorry, Sana._

As soon as I reached Nayeon's place. My heartbeat's pace wound faster vectors with every step that I take. I rang the doorbell to Nayeon's apartment. Nayeon was dressed to her most comfortable clothing, and a stern look was etched to her face. "Now, you go talk to her. Because I swear to god, Momo, if Sana winds up to my place again at 2 am in the morning with her face stricken with tears. I will never hesitate to strangle you." I gulped and nodded. "A great morning to you too, Nayeon." she opened the door widely, letting me slip inside. 

First second in, and I almost felt suffocated by the mere thought that I'm in the same place. I wanted to run away immediately, call it a day, lock myself up in my room for weeks, and cry the whole time. But the moment I saw Sana's tear swollen cheeks, it was more than enough for me to cave in.

"Sana..." I gently laid the items that I brought to the table beside her. She looked so small as her body curled up to a ball. Sana's face contorted initially, but relaxed when she realized that she was speaking to me. A small frown formed her face. "Hug." she said while she brought her arms up. I hadn't noticed that tears were running through my face until it fell down to her blanket. I succumbed to her touch and lied beside her. "I love you." she murmured as she wrapped her arms around my neck. "I love you, too." the words came out nothing more than a whisper, but I saw how immediate Sana's smile formed as I said these words. 

I kissed her forehead, the pain remains.

"Jihyo, I don't think I can deliver Minatozaki Sana's piece. Would you like if I write about Im Nayeon instead?" before I could hear her response, Sana took my phone and started talking to Jihyo. "Hi! I'm Minatozaki Sana." at that moment, I knew Jihyo went on a standstill. "Keep driving." Sana mouthed and she started talking to Jihyo. "You wouldn't mind if I borrow my favorite journalist for 4 days, no?" she said. My eyes went wide. "What?!" I exclaimed. She placed a finger on top of my lips and nodded along to whatever Jihyo said. "Really? That's so great! I'll let Momo know." Sana dropped the call and looked at me. "Well, can't you believe it?" she grinned and placed my phone inside her pocket. 

"Sana, I didn't sign up for this." "But now, it's a part of your job, Momo." she said while smiling, but it didn't hide away the pain that laced her voice.

Right— it's a job.

* * *

  


_When you're young, the world seems to be boundless. At that moment, I felt like it too._

_"One day, a 75 inch TV will be latched on that wall." I told her as she settled on my lap, and took my arms to wrap it around her. "Really?" "Really! Then, it will be installed with surround sound. We will watch Monsters Inc. or Aquaman, whatever we'd prefer." I said and sunk my head on the crook of her neck. "What about kids? Do we have kids running around your imagination?" million dollar question. "Would you like?" "Of course!" I chuckled and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. "Then the kids are running in the backyard, they're playing." she laughed. "But for now, we have to settle with this." I said, Sana looked at me full of disbelief._

_"What do you mean? It's perfect! This is perfect!" I laughed. "Love, it could get better. Not when we have to pump the toilet everyday, a bed that creaks in the slightest of movements, or this sofa whose springs has jutted out already." Sana held my hand and kissed it._

_"The toilet in the same bathroom where we take showers together. The same creaking bed that I get to share with you every night, when the nights were cold, your presence is more than enough to warm me up. The same sofa that we're sitting in right now, hearing every promise you'd whisper to me. I could never lose when I'm with you, Momo." "You're too sappy." Sana chuckled and claimed my lips._

_A minute later, Sana suddenly stopped. Her eyes remembering something. "What was it, Satang?" I carefully asked as I stabilized her in my lap. "I finally got a call, Momo!" Sana squealed and I couldn't help but admire how beautiful she looks right now. She looks so happy. "That's so great, Sana! I can't wait to watch your movie." "Really? You'll be there?" I nodded. "Until your very last, and beyond that, Sana. I will be with you." Sana gave me a contented smile and wrapped me around her arms._

_Who knows promises could be this empty?  
_

* * *

"Sana." I shook her until she opened her eyes. Sana just grunted and laid her head on my shoulders. "Sana, wake up." "What?" from her voice alone, I knew that she was very tired. "Your phone's ringing." she frowned. "Answer it then." "It's from your management." but she remained unfazed, "Answer it. Tell them I'm with you." "The hell should I tell them?" she looked at me with half lidded eyes and spoke "I'm with my wife." my eyes shot open with the words. "Wife, huh?" Sana shrugged. "It's the truth, Momo. We could end up in whatever court in this world, and the same truth will stand. I am your wife." "In paper, not in practice." Sana didn't speak more, but the crease on her forehead was evident. She didn't like it one bit. She rested her head against the plane's window. I just sighed and answered the call.

"Hello, this is her wife." the line went on a standstill.

* * *

_  
"Sana, I will say this to you once. You are jeopardizing your own career and this is, by far, the stupidest thing any rising star could ever imagine!" Jeongyeon angrily huffed as she tried to contact everyone to conceal any proof of our marriage._

_I am sure we'd end up walking on the aisle. Sana just thought it was the perfect time. Where she could gather fans who would truly support her with this decision._

_Businesses say otherwise._

_I held Sana's hand and she gave me an assuring look. "Wouldn't it be better if I establish a fan base that would accept me for who I am? That would know an important part of me that I shouldn't hide? Honesty-" "Honesty is futile in reality, Sana. Wake up. Are you planning to ruin your career?" "I will marry Momo, no matter what. It would be way worse when they have created my image in their minds and it's far from who I truly am." Jeongyeon gave Sana a stern look. "So you decided to do this before your breakthrough project? Amazing, Ms. Minatozaki. I don't care about what you want to happen, I'm not giving you an option. Divorce isn't even a choice right now, but you've made this way more complicated for the both of you." Jeongyeon sternly said and she left the room._

_"Momo, I don't want to hide." I gave her a reassuring smile. "I don't want, too. But if your dream comes with a price, I wouldn't mind being a secret as long as we need to be." Sana didn't want to agree, but we didn't have a choice. I am consoling myself with the fact that in the end of the day, it is my arms where she would run to._

_I wish the narrative has been the same since then._

_Her projects got bigger, and it started to take demands from her. Everything started from smaller things. She started working for longer hours. Coming home when I could barely open my eyes, leaving before I could cook something for her. Then it progressed to a day without her, then a two, then I started losing count of how many days she wouldn't be by my side._

_It was tiring, but every time I saw her, she was exhausted. I break a little more every time._

_"Love." Sana called me as I was writing something down on paper. Bags under her eyes were deeper as ever. "Yeah." I stopped whatever I was doing and directed my attention to her. A smile was forming on her face. "I have a week off next week, do you want to go out of town?" I stood up and took the seat next to her. "How about you rest for a moment? That sounds nice, yeah?" I told her and she frowned a little._

_"I feel like I haven't been a good wife. I couldn't even spend time with you, or do something for you." Sana sunk her face on my chest. Her tears drenching my shirt. "Is there a standard that says whether you've been a good wife or not? I don't need to check on that, because I could personally attest that you're the best wife for me." "You could only say that because you love me." she sobbed harder, I rubbed circles across her back. "Exactly, I could say this because I love you— because I married you. You are my wife, Sana. I don't fail to see every little thing that you're doing for me." Sana looked at me with her tear stricken eyes, my heart feels so heavy by the mere sight. "Momo, I know I've been selfish for the most part. But, can we not change the bed or the sofa? I found them oddly comfortable." "Not my arms?" Sana hit me lightly. "Of course, wherever you are is still the best place to be in." I laid her on the bed and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "I love you." I proved it in million ways that night.  
_

* * *

"Momo, don't you think that this is cute?" Sana looked at me with her bright doe eyes. I just nodded and she sighed. "Momo, I know, I forced you to come with me here. But, please, at least play pretend that you're enjoying here too." "Well, you know Sana, I'm never trained to act like everything's fine in Seoul when it isn't!" Sana looked taken aback. For years that we've been together, there was only a single time that I raised my voice to her— and that was the day we separated. Sana turned around and before I could even move a muscle, she was out of my sight.

I spent the whole day looking for her. When we got married here in Hawaii, we only went to the hotel, restaurant and a beach.

Wait— the beach. 

I quickly hopped to a bus and went to the same beach where we got married. Nothing much has changed, it was still as mystical as ever. But it was more than beautiful, and bitter, as the sun's pinkish glow hovered over the blue sea. The beautiful gradient that is created as the night sky persists and sun concedes. 

Does the sun think that the sky isn't worth fighting for? 

I scoured through the beach but she wasn't there, but something piqued my interest- a flower clip. We didn't have enough money to buy one back in the day, but she always loved these things. I didn't think twice and bought a pair- hiding the other one inside my pocket. I went back to our hotel room and waited.

I know she would come home.

Hours passed and worry was taking over my system. I grew restless as I darted to and fro. I tried calling Sana's phone but it all ended up to her voicemail. My attention was quickly diverted when I heard three knocks. I quickly went to the door and opened it. There, I was greeted by a drunk Sana, and a woman whose name I didn't know. 

"Thank you for taking her here safely." I sincerely said as I took Sana from her arms. "Are you Momo?" she softly said. I nodded and she chuckled. "You're a fucking ass." I couldn't speak and she just laughed. Sana grunted in my arms. "You smell like Momo." the words came out slurred. "Take care of her, she's just trying to love you." my jaw went terse. "You don't know anything." "From you, but from her, you painted quite a picture. I can't believe why people love someone who does nothing but push them away. I could understand you, but I just wish you're not that mean to her." she shook her head. "Do not speak about this in social media, please." I told her and the woman grinned. I never knew someone whose moles looked more endearing than her. "Oh, trust me. Nobody should even know where am I." she quickly left without even saying her name. 

I laid Sana on top of our bed. We couldn't really book another room because this is a spur of the moment trip. I adjusted her pillows and took a wet cloth to clean her up. Sana tried opening her eyes and breathed deeply. "Momo, after this trip, I will call my lawyer to fix our divorce papers." I stopped in my tracks. "What?" tears started to flow from her eyes. "I know this is what you want." "You know you can't." she finally looked at me. "For my career? I'm so unhappy, Momo. I'm miserable for a year, I just wanted to be with you." this time Sana was sobbing, she her hand covering her face. "Every night, I am contemplating whether I should just quit my career, but every time I think of you- a part of me persists because I want to give you everything you want and this was the dream we wanted for each other. I was hoping that I just need to give you time and you'll finally talk to me. Because I know how much you loved me, Momo. God, I knew how much." I didn't know that I was crying as hard as her until she chuckled bitterly.

"But I guess that is where it stops- you loved me, I still love you. It was great while it lasted. We're far beyond repair." there are a million things I wanted to say to her, but no words came out of my mouth. 

"For the rest of the trip Momo— I am begging you, let's pretend that everything's alright. Pretend that you still have a sliver of love for me. Give me something that could help me sleep at night." Sana gave me a timid smile and turned her back from me. 

That night, I never had a wink of sleep.

* * *

_  
"Sana, don't you think it would be much better if you'll take an apartment next to your company?" I told her as she plopped down to the sofa. "Why? Are you tired of me?" there was a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Love, of course not." "I don't intend to move out of this place without you. I'm not opening this topic for a conversation." Sana left me in the living room and shut the door loudly._

_"Sana, can we talk?" I gently prodded, the bed sunk under my weight. "Momo, do you even understand how tired am I everyday? I'm trying my best to get home to you, because honestly you're the only one that's making sense in this world. To not see you in the end of the day when you're a drive away, it's enough to drive me crazy." "At what cost, Sana? You're getting so thin and pale. Please, I just want you to take care of yourself." Sana just closed her eyes and didn't speak more._

_But days have passed, and it just went gradually worse. Sana looked so sick, I couldn't stand idle in the midst of this. "Sana, will you please reconsider? I will visit you every week or you could visit me, whatever works best for our schedules." I held her hand as she laid on the bed. Her temperature not going down, not even a bit. "I don't want to be away from you." "We'll talk everyday, I promise." that was how I convinced my wife to take a different residence._

_We made it work. Weekdays were for school, weekends were for Sana. It works- until it dysfunctions. There is a different kind of exhaustion and frustration that comes with her sporadic success. I am proud of wherever she is right now, but with whatever she's standing on, the uncharted tower of fame, it makes me think. When will I finally have a place in her life? How long am I supposed to be a secret?_

_Questions that muddled my mind— I never asked for an answer._

_There were days where I would be stuck in her place, and she couldn't come home. Or days she would be too busy for work to even reply. Some of her rest days would be weekdays, I couldn't slack off because it is my last year in university. It is a whole fucking mess._

_I'm starting to doubt whether we could make it.  
_

* * *

"Good morning, Sana. I prepared breakfast for the both of us." I was pretty sure my voice was raspy from lack of sleep. I'm pretty sure Sana noticed it, but she didn't comment. She just took the seat across mine, a gentle smile on her face. "Momo, regarding last night. I was serious about the divorce. I will talk to my lawyer the moment we-" "Let's not talk about this over breakfast, please." I knew that my tone was sharp, Sana's smile immediately deflated from the edge of my voice. "Sorry. I didn't mean to say it that way." Sana just nodded. 

"It seems that you haven't slept." Sana said. Her eyes still pinned on her food. "Not really. Where do you want to go today? The weather seems nice." "You look like you'll pass out any minute. Get some sleep first, then we'll discuss about that when you wake up, OK?" I nodded and didn't protest anymore. It's been barely 24 hours, and we've argued to no ends. I think we deserve some rest.

I tried so hard to fall asleep, but it was futile. I just ended up twisting and turning within the bed— mussed linen blankets lay across my body. Sana stopped in her tracks when she noticed this. She immediately laid next to me and placed my head on her chest. I felt drowsy the moment her fingers run through my hair. "I couldn't sleep." I murmured on her chest. Laughter vibrated throughout her body. "I'm here." My eyes were slowly shutting close. "Am I hurting you when I hold you like this?" I placed my arm around her waist and pressed my body against hers. "Yes." Sana softly whispered, almost afraid by her sheer truth. "Sana, if I kiss you, would I hurt you?" this time, I shot my eyes to her. Her gaze meeting mine. I didn't see the woman that hurts me, all I saw was the woman I loved- the woman I built dreams with, the woman that I would destroy empires for. She was there all along, she's here in my arms, and I missed her so much- my body craving every inch of history stored in her lips. "Yes." "But do you want me to kiss you?" Sana's eyes were nothing but transparent, "Yes." her lips trembling as she spoke. "Then I'm sorry." I placed my lips against hers- time stilled as I find myself once again lost in the abysses of her eyes.

"Momo, look!" Sana looked so excited as she pointed to the random stall selling food. Whenever I looked at her face, I couldn't feel but help flustered and proud with how I've made Sana the happiest today. You could see when people are glowing, Sana transcended to being ethereal. 

She didn't even try to hide it. 

But my wife— I mean, Sana— for all her beauty and grace, managed to trip on an imaginary rock. She fell and twisted her ankle. "Ouch!" she whined. "Haven't I told you to wear flats?" I chided her as I massaged her ankle. We were in the middle of a busy sidewalk, but I didn't bother. Sana couldn't stand, they could wait. When Sana could finally move her ankle around, I helped her to get up. But the mere movement was enough to send her staggering, and so I offered to carry her as we strolled through the night market. "I want some ice cream." Sana whispered, thinking I wouldn't be able to hear it. I went to the ice cream stall. "Your clothes might get dirty if this drips." "It's alright." I assured. "Two cones?" the vendor asked and I shook my head. "Just one." "You won't eat?" surprise was evident in Sana's voice. "I was hoping to share with you. If you don't want to, I don't mind either." Sana's grip went tighter and she placed her chin on my head. 

We spent the rest of the evening walking around like an inseparable duo. My arm was sticky with all the ice cream that dripped on it, but it was more than worth it whenever Sana feeds me. Somehow, the ice cream was sweeter and creamier. Sana ended up buying two of each things that she wanted, I ended up carrying the bags. 

The moment we got to our hotel room, I helped Sana to sit on our bed. I placed our bags on the desk. "Sana, would you like to take a shower?" Sana nodded. "But I couldn't really do it alone right now. So maybe..." "I could help you with it." Sana's lips parted open, amusement written on her face. "I mean, it's not like we haven't seen each other naked. I mean—" "Of course, I wouldn't mind." Sana interjected. 

I was stunned for a minute and Sana's laugh woke me up from my daze. "What are you waiting for?" "Huh? Yeah. I'll work on it." I immediately prepared our towels and robe and placed it on the sink. I took Sana in my arms and carried her to the bathroom. "This feels like our honeymoon." Sana quipped, but immediately covered her mouth when the words slipped away. "Yeah, it feels like our honeymoon." I responded. Sana's face immediately softened and her gaze felt so heavy as I helped her sit on the toilet seat. I removed her clothing little by little. I didn't know whether it was the sheer heat of closed rooms helping me to perspire, or this is me being intensely flustered with this whole ordeal. But my eyes didn't miss the way Sana stared at me, full of amusement and love. 

"At least, when we get old, I know you'll help me get showers." she joked, I felt like a wave of cold water lapped against my skin. "Of course." "I've always known I'd get old with you, I'd spend the rest of my life with you." I stood in front of her, completely unable to speak. There was something subtly intimate with the mere action of being with someone you trust and there was nothing could tear their attention from you— as if they were enchanted by the mere fact that we have existed in the same place at the same time for no good reason. There is vulnerability, but she is my security. Sana knew me at my weakest points, and at those times, it was her arms that held me together. It was her voice that eased me when my thoughts race faster than a car that's driving on a free way. Sana saw me at my strongest, she was the only person who could be more happy for my happiness than me. She was the first one to scream in rejoice when I got my scholarship, the one that prepared our mind-blowing dates when we had nothing.

She is my greatest love.

Where did we go wrong?

I turned the shower on, and I hovered the showerhead over her. It was idyllic, how could two people take a shower while being completely clothed. But for us, it meant everything. It meant meeting her for the first time in a rainy day. Seoul's rain was relentless, but I couldn't miss how it drastically tamed when I heard Sana speaking to me, asking me if where I was bound to. That night, I didn't know I was about to meet my destination. 

My supposed end game. 

The water gently cascaded against her skin, her wet hair matted to her forehead. I didn't miss the slight quiver that passed from her lips as the chill of water trailed her skin. Sana visibly gulped, I could decipher whether the drops coming from her eyes were water or tears. I took the shampoo and gently lathered it against her hair. My hand lingering over her empty ring finger, softly touching it, my fingers felt eerily empty without the touch of metal against it. "I'm sorry." I whispered, Sana smiled as she touched my face. She looked at me like it would be the last time she would see me, as if she's afraid this moment will quickly pass and she haven't memorized my features enough.

I sink deeper into her eyes. Before I could process everything, I was drowning under her gaze.

* * *

_  
It is exhausting._

_For the past months, there has nothing that settled in my mind how our marriage has been nothing but a fucked up mess of a relationship._

_We couldn't have time for each other, and each passing day, I feel like I've been standing on edges waiting for Sana, or me, to burst with anger and lash each other with our frustrations._

_She thinks I couldn't understand her enough, I think she couldn't hear my complaints._

_When she missed my birthday, it was something I understood. It was the first time that it happened. She was busy. Although I am visibly disheartened, I tried to understand her. But what hurts more was she didn't even send me out a text or greeting. I felt crushed. I kept on thinking that maybe, when I married her, this is among the things that I signed up for. In the back of my mind, I couldn't believe my own explanation._

_The second time was the first Christmas I spent without her since we met. If anything, this Christmas was supposedly the best one. We had the money to buy the food that we always dreamed to have on the table, and her schedule was free until it wasn't. Some change of plans in her contract, sending her somewhere in Jeju for 5 days. She wanted to bring me, but the management didn't want to ignite any fuss over us. This year, I open my gifts alone._

_Then we missed on celebrating her birthday and New Year's Eve together. Some unprecedented incident has lead for her to extend three more days in Jeju. I was frustrated, but I didn't want to give her something to stress over. This is her dream, I don't want to hold her back on reaching what she wanted— especially now that she's living on it. I always kissed her the moment the clock strikes 12, this year I'm left with hugging an old sweater that smelled so much like her._

_Then Valentine's came. I planned to surprise her. I knew she's not in her apartment for the whole day. I quickly got to work, wrote a handwritten letter for her, and prepared for our dinner. I went out to buy a cheap wine that we used to drink every time there's a spare money that stayed in our pocket. On my way to our apartment, I was quickly noticed by Chaeyoung and Tzuyu— a couple that stayed next to Sana's apartment. This time, Chaeyoung was carrying a young girl in her arms. Her skin was pale but there was an unmistakable red that colored her cheeks._

_"Momo!" Chaeyoung greeted and I nodded. "Hi! Who's the cute baby in your arms?" Chaeyoung laughed and poked the baby's cheek. "Meet Dahyun, Momo-ya." the kid gurgled with laughter when Chaeyoung mentioned her name. "You adopted a kid?" Tzuyu nodded. "We always wanted one. When opportunity arose for us to adopt, the moment I knew Dahyun, I know she's a part of our family." Tzuyu lovingly stared at the baby who did nothing but smile at her, I gingerly placed the wine bottle on the floor. "Can I hold her?" I failed to hide the tremble in my voice as I reached out my arm to carry Dahyun. The moment that she sunk to my arms, I immediately thought of Sana._

_Will we ever have the right time to fulfill the family we've been dreaming of?_

_I haven't noticed how much tears were dripping from my eyes until Chaeyoung called my attention. I immediately apologized, Tzuyu worryingly looked at me. "You'll be wonderful as parents, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu." I gave them a tepid smile and went to Sana's apartment. Decided that I will finally talk about her future plans with me, that if she had any._

_The food had went cold and I was probably on my third movie when Sana went home. "Momo? You're here!" Sana tried to be enthusiastic, but she couldn't hide how tired she is. "Happy Valentine's Day, love." I whispered and Sana immediately sunk to my arms. "Have you eaten yet?" Sana hummed in affirmation as she settled on my chest. "Have you?" the question came out as nothing but a murmur. Before I could even answer and ask her a question, Sana's eyes were already closed. Soft snores coming off her lips. I didn't have a heart to wake her up. I just took a sheet of wet wipe from her bedside table, and removed her make-up. As I looked at my wife's peaceful sleeping face, I couldn't help but wish for simpler times. But in my heart, I could never be selfish to ask her to choose between me or her dream._

_She's in my arms, but I feel like I'm dreaming about her from afar._

_Then today, our anniversary finally came. This time, Sana has promised me that she will spend the whole day with me. I waited on her apartment. Anticipation slowly turned to smouldering frustration then it started to burn— any minute, any word that comes off my mouth would be nothing but a fire that grounds any city to ashes. Our relations would be no different._

_The moment Sana opened the door, her eyes wandered as she looked for me. "Momo, I'm—" "Sorry? Yeah, for the nth time." my tone was cool, yet Sana's face contorted to confusion. "What are you trying to imply, Momo?" "Nothing." Sana rolled her eyes. "Bullshit. Tell me what's the problem, Momo." my eyes locked to hers. "Sana, how long should we keep this charade?" something shifted within Sana. "What do you mean?" "I'm so fucking tired of this situation, Sana!" shock was written across Sana's face. I never raised my voice whenever we argue. But this time, I couldn't hold back anymore. "I'm so tired, Sana. I'm so fucking tired. Tell me, Sana. How long should I wait in the sidelines scampering for your time? How long am I supposed to be your secret? Do you even see a future with me? A future with a family? Because Sana, I don't want to be selfish, but god damn!" tears flowed freely as Sana stood frozen in front of me. "Everyday, I'm so fucking torn because I've got these questions and you don't even have the time to answer them. Where do I stand in your life, Sana? Can you please tell me?" Sana stood frozen for a minute, my eyes were looking up to her, expecting for any answer. "You think I'm not tired, Momo? You think I'm not trying my best?" her voice was full of rasp, it was nothing but tired. "You can't even answer me. Fuck, Sana. I shouldn't have married you." hurt crossed her face— it was beyond recognition._

_Before we could even process anything, Sana left.  
_

* * *

The past days flew like a breeze. We both enjoyed our time here in Hawaii, maybe more inside the hotel room, silently resting on each other's arms, than taking a trip around the city. But it was better, I couldn't tell Sana how much I missed spending time with her.

How much I missed her. 

There was an unmistakable wisp of happiness that blossoms in her eyes. But every night, her sobs were the last sounds I hear before I close my eyes. I didn't want this to end, but it should. We would only ruin each other like we did a year ago.

I finally opened my email and quickly scanned the questions I was supposed to ask Sana. Things I could honestly answer even without asking for this interview. But the moment my eyes landed on the seventh and eighth question, bile rose to my tongue. These were questions we avoided for the past years, only came rushing to slap us on our faces in this same trip. 

Oh, how fitting.

Sana came to the balcony wearing a silky robe over her night gown. She nursed a cup of tea on her hands and sat on the chair across me. A timid smile was etched on her face.

"Miss Minatozaki. This is an interview, and I would like to remind you that this is recorded." I pointed to the voice recorder that laid on the center of the table. "Would it burn you to call me Mrs. Hirai?" her voice was teasing. "Sana..." "That's way better, Momoring." she took a sip on her cup of tea and winked. "Shoot the questions now." I nodded and threw the first question. "What's your most memorable film up to date?" Sana's eyes wandered for a minute until she finally chose a fitting answer. The exchange was good, and I took note to her every single answer. 

The moment we arrived on the fifth question, I started shifting on my seat. "Have you ever been in love?" Sana gave me a knowing look. "Yes. Everyday." I couldn't look at Sana by her eye. "What are the qualities that you're looking for a partner?" Sana raised her eyebrow. "Oh, I'm not really asking for much. I just want a journalist with a hidden talent for dancing." I shot her a look, she just gave me a smirk. "There's nothing more romantic than knowing you've possibly seen the sexiest dancer alive giving you a performance of a lifetime for you and you alone, no?" I knew, my cheeks tinged red with her remark. Sana could be so relentless when she's starting to tease me. Her mood dropped faster than a boulder when I asked her the seventh question, "Would you choose love over your career?" "Yes." she answered in a heartbeat. I bitterly chuckled "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am." "Your future partner would be so honored." "I would be honored if she chooses me." Sana sadly answered. "Do you have any regrets, Sana?" I threw the eighth question. Sana's eyes darted to the vast blue ocean in front of us. "Leaving my apartment." the tone was jovial and light, making Sana appear as if she's nothing but a homebody. But the true meaning runs much deeper. 

The rest of the interview went fluid. Sana finished her tea when we were finally done. "That was easy, isn't it?" I nodded. The moment she said she regretted that she left our apartment, I wanted to tell her that I didn't want to proceed with the divorce. That would mean I wanted to fix our marriage either— but that too, I am not sure with the answer. 

When night fell, Sana and I took a stroll on the empty beach. Midnight blue waters lapped our feet as we lay on the sand. Sana's hand unconsciously held mine as she looked at the stars. "It is our last day." Sana whispered. "Yes, I enjoyed it." "I do too." silence settled between us until Sana spoke. "Momo, there shouldn't be a question between you and my career. I would choose you over and over again." I tried prying my hand away, but she held it tighter. "I love you beyond comprehension. I had a bad way of showing it, but even at that time, all I'm thinking about was you. I was so envious of Chaeyoung and Tzuyu having Dahyun, you know? But I thought, if I don't work hard, I could never give you the life that you deserve— or our kids would deserve." she bitterly chuckled. "My first dream was to become an actress, acting is my passion. Then when I married you, those dreams changed, and that dream was to give you the best life. I haven't noticed how much I failed to give that until you said you shouldn't have married me." Sana's thumb drew circles on the back of my hand.

"How much do you regret marrying me, Momo?" I pulled my hand off her grip and faced her to me. "Sana, I will kiss you." our noses touched as I whispered those words to her. That night, there were unspoken promises etched in sand that not even the waves could ever remove.

That was the problem though, words that we mean to say to each other, remained on our minds.

"Momo, you finally did something right." Jihyo patted my back and I smiled. "This one will be on the record, we finally have a featured article about Minatozaki Sana. We're the only magazine who's able to do that!" Jihyo was squealing like a child. "But you'll never turn over the recording of your conversation? Too bad, I wanted to hear the answers coming straight from Minatozaki Sana's mouth." Jihyo sighed and I laughed. "I could get you an autograph." "Well, you did say something about Im Nayeon. You think I forgot it Hirai?" before I could even answer, an intern, Jinyoung, timidly knocked on Jihyo's office. "Miss Park, there's a lawyer downstairs looking for Ms. Hirai." Jihyo threw me a look. 

I wasn't dumb, I knew exactly what that lawyer brings here. Sana was dead serious when she said she'd arrange the papers as soon as we land in Seoul. Days after, her lawyer barges into my workplace. Fantastic. "I guess I'll head there first, Jihyo." Jihyo nodded and gave me a thumbs up. "Go and settle whatever you need to settle with that lawyer." I ran downstairs and saw a man clad in black suit waiting by the lobby.

"Ms. Hirai." I gave him a curt nod. "I am Atty. Choi, I'm here to represent Ms. Minatozaki. Would you mind talking to this over coffee?" I nodded and led the way. We headed on the cafe near my office. The man quickly settled his briefcase on the desk and pulled out some papers, while I ordered some coffee on the counter. "Since you haven't signed a prenuptial agreement, you're legally entitled to half of Ms. Minatozaki's properties and assets. We—" "I know. Give me the papers, please." I checked the bottom and saw that Sana haven't signed it either. That's a relief. "I'll let you know if I have inquiries." He slid his business card to me. "Are you sure you don't want me to discuss the details further?" "Yes. I'm not in the proper headspace." the lawyer stood up and smiled. "Let me know if you need anything." leaving cash for the payment of his coffee and tip. I was left with the paper in my hand, its edges crumpled as my hand dented the pristine paper. 

It was left inside my drawer for a month. I couldn't bring a pen to hover the signature line. My mind is finally made up. 

I want to bring Sana back. I didn't want us to end.

I quickly sent a text to Sana, telling her to meet me up at my house— our house.

We're going back to where we started.

As Sana opened up the door, she saw me sitting on the same couch. "Come here." I told her, and she sat next to me. "I mean, sit on my lap." Sana seemed to be weirded out with my invitation, but she followed through. I wrapped my arms around her, she stiffened for a second, until I held her hand— she visibly relaxed. "Do you still want to latch a 75-inch TV on that wall?" I asked her. Sana fell silent, she exactly knew what's happening. "Do you want it to be installed with surround sounds while we watch Aquaman and Monsters Inc.?" I took Sana's hand and fitted my fingers on the crooks of her hand. "Do you still see our kids running in the backyard?" "I do, Momo." "And you still sent me those papers. I wouldn't worship you on the Hawaiian sand if I didn't have an inkling of love for you." I pressed my face against her back. "Love isn't always enough. I thought it's what you wanted." "Love isn't enough to keep us running, but god, those papers were enough to knock me off my feet. I thought I wanted that, until it becomes too real. I resented you for not loving me enough, Sana. I should've resented you for loving me too much that you forgot that simple dreams we made on this broken couch." Sana faced me, tears made its way on her cheeks. This time though, her smile might be not the biggest, but it was the brightest. 

"I thought you understood." "I didn't. You give me too much credit." Sana chuckled. "I'm sorry." Sana nodded. "I needed to hear that from you." she gave me a small smile which I returned. "But of course, we need to address the situation. The reason why we got here." "If you want me to quit, I could—" I shook my head. "No, I'm not making you choose between me or your dream. It's just... I want you to make time for me too. We're married, Sana." Sana nodded in agreement. "I don't want you to be afraid to communicate with me, Momo. If you want something out of me, please tell me." "OK." I sunk my face on the crook of her neck. "I missed you so much." "Momo, is it OK if I announce that I'm married?" I hummed in agreement. "How about your management?" "We'll deal with them. I'm about to sign a new contract, anyway." she said. 

"I love you." Sana mumbled as I lightly kissed her neck. "I love you more." she chuckled. "If I knew that a trip in Hawaii would save this relationship, I wouldn't have waited for a year." I looked at her, taking the moment to admire how gorgeous she had grown over the year. "You look so beautiful." I cupped her face, my thumb circling her cheeks. "I would rather stare at your face for a whole day." she whispered over my lips and claimed it.

I felt like another universe has exploded within me. A year of yearning, only to come to this moment. Every emotion has unfurled to streams of light that could bring every star to shame by our sheer luminosity. I pulled away and stared at her eyes, Sana's forehead furrowing in confusion. "What are you thinking?" I could feel her grow impatient with every minute that's passing by.

"Whether I should write another dumb article if I get to kiss you like this."

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for supporting me and my work! Take this as my gratitude for the great support you've given me.
> 
> Remember, SAMOSOULMATES! And of course, remember to stand with #BlackLivesMatter.
> 
> You can follow me @heysamoboo!


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